This has been a busy week! We got to Texas on Friday of last week to celebrate the graduation of our 2 oldest daughters. We had my mom and dad, my two sisters and their families as well as my grandma there with us for my daughters celebration which made for a great weekend!
My daughter graduated on Saturday morning at 8 am...yikes! It was a great ceremony and celebration watching her walk across that stage to get the diploma she has worked so hard for. She is so ready to begin this next phase of her life she can hardly stand it. She is heading off to Stephen F Austin in the fall and looks forward to new friends, increased freedom and all that comes with college life. I know it will be a challenge for her though as she has to make changes she probably doesn't realize she has to make. I'm not completely sure how to make sure she is prepared as I didn't go off to college. I went to a community college and lived at home. She will be 3 and a half hours away and living in a dorm. I wish I could answer her questions and let her know what to expect but I am probably just as unsure and afraid myself! I do believe however that she has a good head on her shoulders, she believes in God and she and our relationship is build on trust and complete disclosure which I refuse to lose! Her brother and sister will be facing some challenges as well as they begin to see how much she actually does for them, how much she does for their Dad and how often she drives them from place to place. Her sister is looking forward to not sharing a room any longer but I wonder how long it will take before she misses the company. I remember when my sisters went off to college. I was about the age of my second daughter and I was so lonely. I remember being sad when they would leave after a weekend at home or we would leave from a visit with them. I would say "Well...it's back to just the 3 of us". I enjoyed shopping trips more since I was the only one getting anything. I enjoyed getting things like a phone in my room...something they never had. But I missed having them at home and the joy and excitement that was in the house with all of us together. They all three has some adjustments coming up. I also have to remember that my little girl is not so little any longer. She can make plans without asking permission. She can choose to go home with friends for the weekend or the holidays. She can choose to come home or not come home at any given time. She can choose her own food at all meals, whether or not to study before or after watching "The Voice" and when to go to sleep or even whether or not to show up for class. That's a LOT scary but so exciting for her! I am so proud of the young woman she has become and can't wait to see what all is in store for her in the future. I am so proud of how she has grown up over the years, how she has handled the divorce of her parents and my new marriage. I am proud of how she has learned to deal with her anger and her sadness and has turned that into a desire to help kids that are in the same position she was in and making sure they have the voice that she sometimes felt she didn't have but has found as time has gone on. I am proud of how she loves other people and how she fights for the things she believes in with all her heart. I am so very proud to be her Mom.
My husbands daughter graduated on Tuesday. Her cheering section was much smaller. Her Dad, Mom, sister and niece sat together. Her other sister sat alone. I sat in another section with our youngest son. As I watched her walk across the stage my heart was filled with so many emotions. I think I saved all of my emotion of the week for that day. I was so proud of her! I AM so proud of her! She has had a much more difficult time dealing with her parents divorce and her Dad's marriage to me than my kids have. She does not have the extended family support that my kids do or that I have myself have even at this point in my life. Yet she graduated in the top 10% of her class. She has been named a Scholar at UNT where she will be attending this fall and she received a complete FULL ride scholarship as a part of the program. What an amazing accomplishment! I am so proud of her. There was a moment as she received her diploma in which I felt almost like a Mom giving birth and seeing their child for the first time. Her Dad and I have been together for almost 8 years. This is the first time I have been to a school sponsored event. This is the first time I have even been in the same room. The joy, the pride and the love I felt at that moment for a child I was seeing for the first time was the same feeling I felt looking into the eyes of each of the four little newborn faces that I brought into this world. She is beautiful, just like those four kids of my own. She is special. Just as special as those four kids of my own. I love her! Just as much as those four kids of my own. I know that our relationship if far from normal...like so very far. But, it is so important to me that on the day she decides to be a part of my life she will know without a doubt that she has always been a part of mine.
Our youngest son spent the day with her yesterday. It was the first time she has seen him in person since he was about 6 weeks old. They had an amazing time. They played super heroes, cars and watched a movie together. He has talked about her a lot today. His acceptance of his family, blended together in many ways, is such a lesson for us all. He has gone from saying he has a brother and 2 sisters (something he has said for the past 3 and a half years) to very quickly accepting and freely sharing with others that he has a brother and THREE sisters! She has no idea how much love this little boy has to share with her. His other siblings can surely say he loves them deeply. I'm so excited to watch his relationship with all four of them grow over time.
As we head back home to California, with 2 extra kids in the car and another to follow next week, I know that our family will not be the same again. There will be visits where only 2 on my kids come instead of 3. I know that there is a day in the future in which my husband's daughter will choose to be a part of a family dinner. I know that the visit with my extended family we just had may not happen again just like that. There are a lot of changes in a family as graduation comes. There are a lot of changes that take place a hearts begin to soften. There are a lot of changes that take place as people grow, both in age and in spirit.
Heavenly Father, today as I reflect on my life and all that is changing right now, I thank you for the promise that you are always here with me and you will be with all of my children as well. Please protect our girls as they embark on this adventure. Keep them safe, provide them direction and wrap them in your love. Keep the younger ones safe as well and ease their loneliness with your love. Thank you for the promise of forgiveness, salvation and eternity with you. Your love is unfailing and for that I am forever grateful.
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