This has been a busy week! We got to Texas on Friday of last week to celebrate the graduation of our 2 oldest daughters. We had my mom and dad, my two sisters and their families as well as my grandma there with us for my daughters celebration which made for a great weekend!
My daughter graduated on Saturday morning at 8 am...yikes! It was a great ceremony and celebration watching her walk across that stage to get the diploma she has worked so hard for. She is so ready to begin this next phase of her life she can hardly stand it. She is heading off to Stephen F Austin in the fall and looks forward to new friends, increased freedom and all that comes with college life. I know it will be a challenge for her though as she has to make changes she probably doesn't realize she has to make. I'm not completely sure how to make sure she is prepared as I didn't go off to college. I went to a community college and lived at home. She will be 3 and a half hours away and living in a dorm. I wish I could answer her questions and let her know what to expect but I am probably just as unsure and afraid myself! I do believe however that she has a good head on her shoulders, she believes in God and she and our relationship is build on trust and complete disclosure which I refuse to lose! Her brother and sister will be facing some challenges as well as they begin to see how much she actually does for them, how much she does for their Dad and how often she drives them from place to place. Her sister is looking forward to not sharing a room any longer but I wonder how long it will take before she misses the company. I remember when my sisters went off to college. I was about the age of my second daughter and I was so lonely. I remember being sad when they would leave after a weekend at home or we would leave from a visit with them. I would say "Well...it's back to just the 3 of us". I enjoyed shopping trips more since I was the only one getting anything. I enjoyed getting things like a phone in my room...something they never had. But I missed having them at home and the joy and excitement that was in the house with all of us together. They all three has some adjustments coming up. I also have to remember that my little girl is not so little any longer. She can make plans without asking permission. She can choose to go home with friends for the weekend or the holidays. She can choose to come home or not come home at any given time. She can choose her own food at all meals, whether or not to study before or after watching "The Voice" and when to go to sleep or even whether or not to show up for class. That's a LOT scary but so exciting for her! I am so proud of the young woman she has become and can't wait to see what all is in store for her in the future. I am so proud of how she has grown up over the years, how she has handled the divorce of her parents and my new marriage. I am proud of how she has learned to deal with her anger and her sadness and has turned that into a desire to help kids that are in the same position she was in and making sure they have the voice that she sometimes felt she didn't have but has found as time has gone on. I am proud of how she loves other people and how she fights for the things she believes in with all her heart. I am so very proud to be her Mom.
My husbands daughter graduated on Tuesday. Her cheering section was much smaller. Her Dad, Mom, sister and niece sat together. Her other sister sat alone. I sat in another section with our youngest son. As I watched her walk across the stage my heart was filled with so many emotions. I think I saved all of my emotion of the week for that day. I was so proud of her! I AM so proud of her! She has had a much more difficult time dealing with her parents divorce and her Dad's marriage to me than my kids have. She does not have the extended family support that my kids do or that I have myself have even at this point in my life. Yet she graduated in the top 10% of her class. She has been named a Scholar at UNT where she will be attending this fall and she received a complete FULL ride scholarship as a part of the program. What an amazing accomplishment! I am so proud of her. There was a moment as she received her diploma in which I felt almost like a Mom giving birth and seeing their child for the first time. Her Dad and I have been together for almost 8 years. This is the first time I have been to a school sponsored event. This is the first time I have even been in the same room. The joy, the pride and the love I felt at that moment for a child I was seeing for the first time was the same feeling I felt looking into the eyes of each of the four little newborn faces that I brought into this world. She is beautiful, just like those four kids of my own. She is special. Just as special as those four kids of my own. I love her! Just as much as those four kids of my own. I know that our relationship if far from normal...like so very far. But, it is so important to me that on the day she decides to be a part of my life she will know without a doubt that she has always been a part of mine.
Our youngest son spent the day with her yesterday. It was the first time she has seen him in person since he was about 6 weeks old. They had an amazing time. They played super heroes, cars and watched a movie together. He has talked about her a lot today. His acceptance of his family, blended together in many ways, is such a lesson for us all. He has gone from saying he has a brother and 2 sisters (something he has said for the past 3 and a half years) to very quickly accepting and freely sharing with others that he has a brother and THREE sisters! She has no idea how much love this little boy has to share with her. His other siblings can surely say he loves them deeply. I'm so excited to watch his relationship with all four of them grow over time.
As we head back home to California, with 2 extra kids in the car and another to follow next week, I know that our family will not be the same again. There will be visits where only 2 on my kids come instead of 3. I know that there is a day in the future in which my husband's daughter will choose to be a part of a family dinner. I know that the visit with my extended family we just had may not happen again just like that. There are a lot of changes in a family as graduation comes. There are a lot of changes that take place a hearts begin to soften. There are a lot of changes that take place as people grow, both in age and in spirit.
Heavenly Father, today as I reflect on my life and all that is changing right now, I thank you for the promise that you are always here with me and you will be with all of my children as well. Please protect our girls as they embark on this adventure. Keep them safe, provide them direction and wrap them in your love. Keep the younger ones safe as well and ease their loneliness with your love. Thank you for the promise of forgiveness, salvation and eternity with you. Your love is unfailing and for that I am forever grateful.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Michelle
I met a very sweet lady on Tuesday. I was stopping at Starbucks like I do everyday for my coffee. I had just left the counter and was walking outside when I passed a homeless lady I see almost everyday. You know the kind you just kind of glance at then begin to ignore after awhile.
I got halfway to my car and then turned around. I asked if she was OK and she said "Yes, thank you. Just hungry. Have a great day." I asked her to meet me at McDonald's (a couple of doors down) and got her some breakfast and coffee along with a gift card to purchase lunch and dinner later that day. She broke down in tears and couldn't have been more thankful. She was very polite and didn't ask for anything else. She sat and ate her breakfast and I went on to work.
Today, at the same Starbucks, I ordered my coffee and danish, got out my card to pay and the lady at the counter said "the guy in front of you paid for whatever you want. Have a great day!" Thank you God for your blessings, forgiveness, grace and love.
I got halfway to my car and then turned around. I asked if she was OK and she said "Yes, thank you. Just hungry. Have a great day." I asked her to meet me at McDonald's (a couple of doors down) and got her some breakfast and coffee along with a gift card to purchase lunch and dinner later that day. She broke down in tears and couldn't have been more thankful. She was very polite and didn't ask for anything else. She sat and ate her breakfast and I went on to work.
Today, at the same Starbucks, I ordered my coffee and danish, got out my card to pay and the lady at the counter said "the guy in front of you paid for whatever you want. Have a great day!" Thank you God for your blessings, forgiveness, grace and love.
Graduation
My baby is graduating! How exciting, thrilling, scary and sad all at the same time.
Alyson Marie. I knew it would be her name long before I even got pregnant. She is such an amazing blessing in my life.
I love you Angel Face!
Alyson Marie. I knew it would be her name long before I even got pregnant. She is such an amazing blessing in my life.
I love you Angel Face!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
A Mother's Love Part 2
I had the opportunity to tell my story to someone I was just meeting yesterday and a very interesting thing happened! I thought I would share it in hopes that she was right.
For those of you reading this who don't know me, my three oldest children live with their father and have since we first got divorced. At the time, they were 10, 5 and 3. We lived in a location where all of their dad's family was right there, grandparents, aunts, uncle, cousins. Their grandmother took care of them while their dad and I worked and they were close to all of the family. My family was 6 hours away at best and things were strained to say the least between all of them and myself. The choices that I had made over the years leading up to our divorce had come between myself and a lot of people. I had a job, but wasn't sure I was going to keep it. I could only afford a small one bedroom apartment and all I wanted at the time was for my kids to be OK.
I discussed this with their dad and came to the hardest, most heart wrenching decision a mom could ever make. I chose to let them live with their dad. In the beginning, due to his work schedule, I got up at 4:30 every morning and went to their house to stay with them until time to get up for school. I would get them up, dressed, fix breakfast and drop off at school and preschool before going to work. Then I would be there 2 nights each week to see them for a few hours, help with homework, have dinner and get ready for bed. Then of course there was the every other weekend sleepover at my apartment. These times were so important to all of us because for them, their lives stayed as much the same as possible given the situation their dad and I had put them in by divorcing. As time progressed, they moved a little farther away so the morning routine ended but I was with them at least 2 nights, sometimes 3, during the week and then every other weekend. We continued this until January 2012.
My current husband got a job with a new company in March of 2011 and a promotion within that company a month later. I was so proud of him. He had worked very hard and deserved what was being given to him. The only problem was he would be working out of an office 1800 miles from home. I could not dream of leaving my kids and moving away. My oldest was finishing her junior year of high school. My other two are active in sports and I love being the team mom, volunteer and all the things that go along with that. How could I possibly leave. So, my husband and I made the second hardest decision we have made, and chose to have him commute. So for 9 long, lonely, difficult, sad, hard months he left every Monday morning at 4:00 am and returned home every Friday night around 11:00 pm. His Saturday's and Sunday's were spent trying to spend time with me, our son, my older kids as well as his daughter who also lived closed to our home at the time. Not a lot of family bonding was going on I can assure you. The toll that took on our family was great. We were determined to not let it tear us apart however and we relied on our faith in God a whole lot during those 9 months. You see, both of us felt that God had given him this opportunity for a reason. We weren't sure at the time, midst all of our loneliness in missing each other, what that reason was, but we trusted God would show us in His time.
The burden of being apart began to be more than we could handle so we made the decision to move. Texas to California! Might as well of been Timbuktu! As much as I wanted my husband physically present in my life on a daily basis, I was leaving my kids. They were happy with their dad. They were happy in school, with their friends, their sports, their activities. They didn't want to move. I could understand that from personal experience of having to move in my own childhood and didn't want them to experience the same struggles. After all, that was my decision in the beginning, right? Keep their life as normal as possible despite the circumstances. So, we packed up, kissed and hugged them goodbye, and headed to California.
There have been many visits, many Skype sessions, I can't even tell you the number of text messages! Phone calls, emails, letters, packages, special gifts and lots of tears over the last 15 months. But, guess what? They are just fine. They have adjusted to the situation. They are thriving in their environment! Their relationships with their dad are much stronger today because they don't have the convenience of just waiting for mom to come fix it or relying on me to take care of everything. They have realized that he is right there and he loves them and he wants to help them. And...I am still here as well. I get many phone calls late at night when one can't go to sleep or after a tough school day when only mommy knows what to say. And they know that even though I am not right there with them in person, my heart is in their hands and they know I care, they know i love them, they know I am always there for them. I have come to realize in the last couple of months as I have struggled with missing them beyond anything I have ever experienced before, that I am the one who is still adjusting to our situation. I am the one still struggling with not being together all the time. I am the one who cries myself to sleep sometimes and weeps in my husbands arms when I just want to wrap my arms around them. But my kids...they are fine. God helped me prepare their hearts and their minds for this time in their lives and they are thriving! In the meantime, this family unit (my husband, myself and our son) are thriving in our own way. Things have never been better. My husbands relationship with my older three is much stronger than ever before. His relationship with his own daughter is growing stronger daily and there is even hope of some growth in a relationship between her and her brother as well as her and I. God is doing amazing things in our family!
Now back to yesterday. I have been given the opportunity to share my story MANY times over the last 7 years and I must say that I have not gotten the response I got yesterday even once in all that time. Usually I hear, "Wow! How can you just leave your children. First to live with their dad during a divorce and then move away. What kind of a mom could do that?" or "Well, I sure wouldn't have freely chosen to give up my children like that." And then there is "How will they ever forgive you for abandoning them?" followed closely by "I'm sure glad I don't have to be accountable to God for that when I get to Heaven. What will you even say?" and the list goes on and on and on. I have gotten pretty closed off about it and just realized that I probably would have felt the same way prior to being in my shoes. Who could possibly understand unless they were in the same place? So when I started telling the story yesterday, as I am always looking for a way to brag about my amazing children, I expected the same sort of reaction. Only here is what I got instead.
I got a hug! I got a "Way to Go!" "What an amazing sacrifice you have made to provide your children the best possible outcome of what could have been a really bad situation." "I think you deserve some sort of award or medal or something." "I am not sure I could be that strong." "You know there are other women out there who have made the same choice for one reason or another, but they have fallen to the criticism that they receive and just walked away completely because its easier. Or, they have chosen to do the opposite, forced their children to be miserable out of spite for their ex and now they have no relationship with those children at all. You have to share your story. You have to share your success. You have to reach just one person who needs to hear what you have been and are going through."
WHAT?!?!?!? I was floored. Strong? Me? I have felt so weak over the last few months that strong is the last word I would have used to describe myself. Do you have any idea how many people I have told and NO ONE has had this same reaction. I have been beginning to wonder why I keep opening my mouth about it and now you are saying to keep blabbing about it...are you crazy? But as I have prayed about it last night and today, I feel that there may be some validity to what she said. Maybe I could reach someone who is struggling. Maybe there is a family out there thriving just like ours that could be a support for me and my husband. I can assure you that as we meet preschool parents from our sons school, not a lot of them can relate to our situation and the conversations are pretty short and sweet. We could use some encouragement. Realizing this made me think, she's right. If I want to have someone understand where I am, what I go through daily, how difficult this is, I have to keep talking about it so I can find the other person out there going through the same things.
I believe all mother's love their children in special ways. We all sacrifice for them daily. We all do without certain things so they can have certain things. We all put aside our own lives to some extent to raise them. But not all of relate to one another. Its hard to take off the blinders of what we do in our own lives with our own children and understand what another mother goes through for her own kids.
My prayer today is for continued opportunity to share my family's story. To reach another mom who is struggling with what to do. Another mom who may not have her kids with her to kiss good night each night but loves them the same as any other mom out there. That I can find someone to encourage me with their own story. That a mother's love is not something that is judged by the very people who should be the most compassionate...other mothers.
Thank you God for my children, for their fathers, their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We are all so blessed to have this earthly family. Thank you for your grace, compassion, forgiveness and understanding.
Oh...by the way...a month ago, my husbands position with the company he left for the current position was disposed of, the person was permanently let go. Yesterday, the first position he took with the current company (prior to the position he has now) was also disposed of, the person was permanently let go. Were it not for those hard decisions, based on God's direction in our lives, he would most likely be among the millions without work right now. Instead, tonight he is at a meeting closing a deal that will put his zone above target for the fiscal year and 200% above where they have been the last 5 years combined. Through it all, I am so thankful to have a husband who gives all the glory and praise to Jesus Christ and knows none of it is possible without HIM. Thank you God for your faithfulness and as always, Your timing is perfect.
For those of you reading this who don't know me, my three oldest children live with their father and have since we first got divorced. At the time, they were 10, 5 and 3. We lived in a location where all of their dad's family was right there, grandparents, aunts, uncle, cousins. Their grandmother took care of them while their dad and I worked and they were close to all of the family. My family was 6 hours away at best and things were strained to say the least between all of them and myself. The choices that I had made over the years leading up to our divorce had come between myself and a lot of people. I had a job, but wasn't sure I was going to keep it. I could only afford a small one bedroom apartment and all I wanted at the time was for my kids to be OK.
I discussed this with their dad and came to the hardest, most heart wrenching decision a mom could ever make. I chose to let them live with their dad. In the beginning, due to his work schedule, I got up at 4:30 every morning and went to their house to stay with them until time to get up for school. I would get them up, dressed, fix breakfast and drop off at school and preschool before going to work. Then I would be there 2 nights each week to see them for a few hours, help with homework, have dinner and get ready for bed. Then of course there was the every other weekend sleepover at my apartment. These times were so important to all of us because for them, their lives stayed as much the same as possible given the situation their dad and I had put them in by divorcing. As time progressed, they moved a little farther away so the morning routine ended but I was with them at least 2 nights, sometimes 3, during the week and then every other weekend. We continued this until January 2012.
My current husband got a job with a new company in March of 2011 and a promotion within that company a month later. I was so proud of him. He had worked very hard and deserved what was being given to him. The only problem was he would be working out of an office 1800 miles from home. I could not dream of leaving my kids and moving away. My oldest was finishing her junior year of high school. My other two are active in sports and I love being the team mom, volunteer and all the things that go along with that. How could I possibly leave. So, my husband and I made the second hardest decision we have made, and chose to have him commute. So for 9 long, lonely, difficult, sad, hard months he left every Monday morning at 4:00 am and returned home every Friday night around 11:00 pm. His Saturday's and Sunday's were spent trying to spend time with me, our son, my older kids as well as his daughter who also lived closed to our home at the time. Not a lot of family bonding was going on I can assure you. The toll that took on our family was great. We were determined to not let it tear us apart however and we relied on our faith in God a whole lot during those 9 months. You see, both of us felt that God had given him this opportunity for a reason. We weren't sure at the time, midst all of our loneliness in missing each other, what that reason was, but we trusted God would show us in His time.
The burden of being apart began to be more than we could handle so we made the decision to move. Texas to California! Might as well of been Timbuktu! As much as I wanted my husband physically present in my life on a daily basis, I was leaving my kids. They were happy with their dad. They were happy in school, with their friends, their sports, their activities. They didn't want to move. I could understand that from personal experience of having to move in my own childhood and didn't want them to experience the same struggles. After all, that was my decision in the beginning, right? Keep their life as normal as possible despite the circumstances. So, we packed up, kissed and hugged them goodbye, and headed to California.
There have been many visits, many Skype sessions, I can't even tell you the number of text messages! Phone calls, emails, letters, packages, special gifts and lots of tears over the last 15 months. But, guess what? They are just fine. They have adjusted to the situation. They are thriving in their environment! Their relationships with their dad are much stronger today because they don't have the convenience of just waiting for mom to come fix it or relying on me to take care of everything. They have realized that he is right there and he loves them and he wants to help them. And...I am still here as well. I get many phone calls late at night when one can't go to sleep or after a tough school day when only mommy knows what to say. And they know that even though I am not right there with them in person, my heart is in their hands and they know I care, they know i love them, they know I am always there for them. I have come to realize in the last couple of months as I have struggled with missing them beyond anything I have ever experienced before, that I am the one who is still adjusting to our situation. I am the one still struggling with not being together all the time. I am the one who cries myself to sleep sometimes and weeps in my husbands arms when I just want to wrap my arms around them. But my kids...they are fine. God helped me prepare their hearts and their minds for this time in their lives and they are thriving! In the meantime, this family unit (my husband, myself and our son) are thriving in our own way. Things have never been better. My husbands relationship with my older three is much stronger than ever before. His relationship with his own daughter is growing stronger daily and there is even hope of some growth in a relationship between her and her brother as well as her and I. God is doing amazing things in our family!
Now back to yesterday. I have been given the opportunity to share my story MANY times over the last 7 years and I must say that I have not gotten the response I got yesterday even once in all that time. Usually I hear, "Wow! How can you just leave your children. First to live with their dad during a divorce and then move away. What kind of a mom could do that?" or "Well, I sure wouldn't have freely chosen to give up my children like that." And then there is "How will they ever forgive you for abandoning them?" followed closely by "I'm sure glad I don't have to be accountable to God for that when I get to Heaven. What will you even say?" and the list goes on and on and on. I have gotten pretty closed off about it and just realized that I probably would have felt the same way prior to being in my shoes. Who could possibly understand unless they were in the same place? So when I started telling the story yesterday, as I am always looking for a way to brag about my amazing children, I expected the same sort of reaction. Only here is what I got instead.
I got a hug! I got a "Way to Go!" "What an amazing sacrifice you have made to provide your children the best possible outcome of what could have been a really bad situation." "I think you deserve some sort of award or medal or something." "I am not sure I could be that strong." "You know there are other women out there who have made the same choice for one reason or another, but they have fallen to the criticism that they receive and just walked away completely because its easier. Or, they have chosen to do the opposite, forced their children to be miserable out of spite for their ex and now they have no relationship with those children at all. You have to share your story. You have to share your success. You have to reach just one person who needs to hear what you have been and are going through."
WHAT?!?!?!? I was floored. Strong? Me? I have felt so weak over the last few months that strong is the last word I would have used to describe myself. Do you have any idea how many people I have told and NO ONE has had this same reaction. I have been beginning to wonder why I keep opening my mouth about it and now you are saying to keep blabbing about it...are you crazy? But as I have prayed about it last night and today, I feel that there may be some validity to what she said. Maybe I could reach someone who is struggling. Maybe there is a family out there thriving just like ours that could be a support for me and my husband. I can assure you that as we meet preschool parents from our sons school, not a lot of them can relate to our situation and the conversations are pretty short and sweet. We could use some encouragement. Realizing this made me think, she's right. If I want to have someone understand where I am, what I go through daily, how difficult this is, I have to keep talking about it so I can find the other person out there going through the same things.
I believe all mother's love their children in special ways. We all sacrifice for them daily. We all do without certain things so they can have certain things. We all put aside our own lives to some extent to raise them. But not all of relate to one another. Its hard to take off the blinders of what we do in our own lives with our own children and understand what another mother goes through for her own kids.
My prayer today is for continued opportunity to share my family's story. To reach another mom who is struggling with what to do. Another mom who may not have her kids with her to kiss good night each night but loves them the same as any other mom out there. That I can find someone to encourage me with their own story. That a mother's love is not something that is judged by the very people who should be the most compassionate...other mothers.
Thank you God for my children, for their fathers, their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We are all so blessed to have this earthly family. Thank you for your grace, compassion, forgiveness and understanding.
Oh...by the way...a month ago, my husbands position with the company he left for the current position was disposed of, the person was permanently let go. Yesterday, the first position he took with the current company (prior to the position he has now) was also disposed of, the person was permanently let go. Were it not for those hard decisions, based on God's direction in our lives, he would most likely be among the millions without work right now. Instead, tonight he is at a meeting closing a deal that will put his zone above target for the fiscal year and 200% above where they have been the last 5 years combined. Through it all, I am so thankful to have a husband who gives all the glory and praise to Jesus Christ and knows none of it is possible without HIM. Thank you God for your faithfulness and as always, Your timing is perfect.
Friday, March 15, 2013
A Mother's Love
I just spent the week with my older kids for Spring Break. At the age of 17, 12 and 10, they have completely stolen my heart and kept it for ransom! I miss them so much when they are not with me. It's so hard to be without them in my life on a daily basis. I am so thankful for Skype, text messaging, phone calls and email. Being able to be in daily contact with them is so the only way I can get through this time. I cried all the way home from the airport today wishing I had hugged a little bit tighter and longer!
We spent some time during their visit discussing how to treat people. They seem to get on each other's nerves as most all siblings do. But it seems without the constant reminder to treat those that we care about with love and respect, they tend to get a little rude, obnoxious, hateful and downright mean. Who knew you could actually tell bobbie pins apart! Not me!!! That's not what I want for my children to think is the right way to treat people, communicate with those closest to them and just assume that it will all be OK in the end. So we talked about making decisions and doing things in a manner that simply is true to yourself. "Be true to you in all situations and you can't go wrong" is what I told them. By the end of the week it seemed to be sticking. I hope they can keep it up and remember to love each other even when they aren't happy with each other. I hope they remember to "do it because of who YOU are, not because of who THEY are".
It got me to thinking though about my own life and whether or not I do the same thing in a more grown up way. I know there have been times when I have simply said, "I'm not going to their kids birthday party, they completely blew off the one we invited them to" or chosen to not answer the phone when someone calls simply because I am holding a grudge about something they said, did, didn't say or didn't do. I want to change that. I want to be the one who makes decisions based on who I am and the person that God has created me to be, not because so and so offended me or didn't call or didn't show for a party.
How horrible would it be if God chose not to do something for me simply because I offended him. UM...daily! I would not have any of the blessings I feel each day. I would be missing out on so much. Thank you Heavenly Father that you love me despite my imperfections, bad choices, mood swings and unwillingness to let go of things. Please make me more like you. Help me to "do it because of who I am, not because of who THEY are." Please soften my heart, remind me who you have created me to be and help me to live that each and every day. Thank you for your love and for your salvation! Use me to reach those who need to feel that same love and experience that same security of eternity in heaven with you.
We spent some time during their visit discussing how to treat people. They seem to get on each other's nerves as most all siblings do. But it seems without the constant reminder to treat those that we care about with love and respect, they tend to get a little rude, obnoxious, hateful and downright mean. Who knew you could actually tell bobbie pins apart! Not me!!! That's not what I want for my children to think is the right way to treat people, communicate with those closest to them and just assume that it will all be OK in the end. So we talked about making decisions and doing things in a manner that simply is true to yourself. "Be true to you in all situations and you can't go wrong" is what I told them. By the end of the week it seemed to be sticking. I hope they can keep it up and remember to love each other even when they aren't happy with each other. I hope they remember to "do it because of who YOU are, not because of who THEY are".
It got me to thinking though about my own life and whether or not I do the same thing in a more grown up way. I know there have been times when I have simply said, "I'm not going to their kids birthday party, they completely blew off the one we invited them to" or chosen to not answer the phone when someone calls simply because I am holding a grudge about something they said, did, didn't say or didn't do. I want to change that. I want to be the one who makes decisions based on who I am and the person that God has created me to be, not because so and so offended me or didn't call or didn't show for a party.
How horrible would it be if God chose not to do something for me simply because I offended him. UM...daily! I would not have any of the blessings I feel each day. I would be missing out on so much. Thank you Heavenly Father that you love me despite my imperfections, bad choices, mood swings and unwillingness to let go of things. Please make me more like you. Help me to "do it because of who I am, not because of who THEY are." Please soften my heart, remind me who you have created me to be and help me to live that each and every day. Thank you for your love and for your salvation! Use me to reach those who need to feel that same love and experience that same security of eternity in heaven with you.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Finding my way
I am so different today. I don't even recognize the person I was. Does anyone but my husband see the difference? Does anyone else know how hard this was to do? Does anyone know what I go through on a daily basis trying to make this work? Does anyone truly understand the pain, dedication, commitment, difficult choices, joy and elation of this transformation?
God! He does. He knows my heart. He knows my pain. He knows my joy and elation. He has held my hand through it all.
What a blessing to know that I am loved for all my imperfections as he has cleansed my sin and made my life new. What grace has been given to me as I have walked this journey.
My heart tells me that there is someone out there who needs what I didn't feel I had. Someone who understands. Someone who accepts their imperfections. Someone who will hold their hand. My prayer today is that I have the opportunity to be that person, to show them the love of My God.
God! He does. He knows my heart. He knows my pain. He knows my joy and elation. He has held my hand through it all.
What a blessing to know that I am loved for all my imperfections as he has cleansed my sin and made my life new. What grace has been given to me as I have walked this journey.
My heart tells me that there is someone out there who needs what I didn't feel I had. Someone who understands. Someone who accepts their imperfections. Someone who will hold their hand. My prayer today is that I have the opportunity to be that person, to show them the love of My God.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Gun Control
It's impossible to turn on the TV or radio, open a newspaper or magazine or even stop by the corner coffee shop without hearing people's opinion on gun control. After the mass shooting last month in Connecticut, and all the other tragedies over the last few years, the fingers are flying and pointing in every direction. Every interest group has someone else to blame. I'm not going to get into the political conversation. I don't believe that's the answer. The answer is God and sharing the love we can fully receive from God if we just open our hearts, minds and let Him work within us.
Satan is finding a way to make an impact. He is finding those who are lost, those who are needing something greater than we as a society are able to provide them for one reason or another. He is finding the weak and the scared and the lost and those who feel unloved. He's not only reaching the ones responsible for these horrific acts, but he is promoting doubt, confusion, and chaos among those who are on the fence about whether or not God exists, whether or not God loves us, and bringing up the question of "Where was God?" "How could a God that loves us let this happen?"
I don't know all the answers. The Bible says we won't have true understanding until we are in Heaven with him for eternity. But here is what I do know.
God was right there. He was holding the hands of those 27 victims in Connecticut. He was there to quickly usher those little ones into His arms. He was there to give strength to the teachers and administrators. He was there to shelter the children who were spared. He was there to guide the first responders through what had to have been the worst thing most of them have ever seen or ever will see. He was there with the parents who celebrated when they heard their child was safe and gathered them into their arms. He celebrated with them. He was there to catch the ones falling to their knees as they were told their little boy or little girl would not be coming home. He wept with them. He cried with me as I sat at my computer and watched the story unfold. He cried with me as I shared the tragedy with my husband. He was with my children as they talked to me about how scared they are it will happen to them and he was there with me to tell them that while I can't promise it will never happen in their school, I can promise them that God will be with them and he will protect them. And he has been there in Aurora, he was there in Arizona, he was in Columbine, he was at Virginia Tech, and he was there in all the similar tragedies and with all those involved.
I was reminded of that today as my daughter shared something that happened at school today. It is so hard to protect them from all the dangers they may face on a day to day basis. I am making a conscious effort to make sure that all of them understand and know that God loves them. God is with them. God is in control. It may not end up the way we want it to every time, but it will end the way God sees is best for us. We may not understand it. We may not be able to explain it. But, we can know that we are loved, protected and never alone.
God's love is the answer. Could that love be shown through more gun laws and legislation? Could that love be shown through less? Absolutely! God's love can transcend all things. God's love can push Satan out of the stronghold he has taken on those that are lost and hurting, looking for a way to be seen and heard. God's love can conquer all.
I continue to pray..."Your Kingdom come, Your will be done!"
Satan is finding a way to make an impact. He is finding those who are lost, those who are needing something greater than we as a society are able to provide them for one reason or another. He is finding the weak and the scared and the lost and those who feel unloved. He's not only reaching the ones responsible for these horrific acts, but he is promoting doubt, confusion, and chaos among those who are on the fence about whether or not God exists, whether or not God loves us, and bringing up the question of "Where was God?" "How could a God that loves us let this happen?"
I don't know all the answers. The Bible says we won't have true understanding until we are in Heaven with him for eternity. But here is what I do know.
God was right there. He was holding the hands of those 27 victims in Connecticut. He was there to quickly usher those little ones into His arms. He was there to give strength to the teachers and administrators. He was there to shelter the children who were spared. He was there to guide the first responders through what had to have been the worst thing most of them have ever seen or ever will see. He was there with the parents who celebrated when they heard their child was safe and gathered them into their arms. He celebrated with them. He was there to catch the ones falling to their knees as they were told their little boy or little girl would not be coming home. He wept with them. He cried with me as I sat at my computer and watched the story unfold. He cried with me as I shared the tragedy with my husband. He was with my children as they talked to me about how scared they are it will happen to them and he was there with me to tell them that while I can't promise it will never happen in their school, I can promise them that God will be with them and he will protect them. And he has been there in Aurora, he was there in Arizona, he was in Columbine, he was at Virginia Tech, and he was there in all the similar tragedies and with all those involved.
I was reminded of that today as my daughter shared something that happened at school today. It is so hard to protect them from all the dangers they may face on a day to day basis. I am making a conscious effort to make sure that all of them understand and know that God loves them. God is with them. God is in control. It may not end up the way we want it to every time, but it will end the way God sees is best for us. We may not understand it. We may not be able to explain it. But, we can know that we are loved, protected and never alone.
God's love is the answer. Could that love be shown through more gun laws and legislation? Could that love be shown through less? Absolutely! God's love can transcend all things. God's love can push Satan out of the stronghold he has taken on those that are lost and hurting, looking for a way to be seen and heard. God's love can conquer all.
I continue to pray..."Your Kingdom come, Your will be done!"
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